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Friday, June 04, 2010

Reflections

One thing about being home sick and not feeling like doing much or being able to do much for that matter means lots of time to think and reflect.......I had an interesting conversation with my dad over coffee this morning and it has got the old rusty clogs turning and started me thinking. One of the main themes in our conversation was the need to start doing things differently. Life is a constant change and evolution and sometimes the new way is not necessarily the better way.

We watched the first episode of 'Victorian Farm' on BBC Challenge on Austar the other night and it was really interesting. What was also very interesting was Gryffen's reaction to it - 'Oh mum, I would love to go and do that.' I do think he would really enjoy the hands on experience :-)

Whilst I am sitting here drinking my honeyed milk and eating peanut butter and honey sandwiches, my mind is running in all sorts of directions and I have been reflecting on where I have been in the last 20 years or so and where I am heading. I will be 40 next year which could be considered the half way point of my life all going well. I am not depressed by this nor do I feel like I am getting over the hill - I am looking forward to the celebration that I have made it this far :-) It is just a new stage in my life - Conrad is 17 now and we are teaching him how to drive, Wolfstanus will be 16 at the end of the year and is doing his School Certificate, Gryffen will be 13 in February and heads to high school next year. It is a new phase and time to shift a gear.

I really feel blessed to be living my life in a place where I am truly happy, with family surrounding me and a good job that I enjoy. Although most of my friends do not live in the same location as me, we still stay in touch and catch up in person whenever we can - it is wonderful to have this option. To date, my life has been an interesting one with its ups and downs just like everyone else - I am thankful for all my experiences, even the bad ones, as without them, I would not be where I am now. My Oma always said there was a path we were meant to travel and no matter whether we took a right turn or a left turn and veered off that path, we would always end up where we were supposed to be. I am a firm believer in this philosophy also and there have been enough 'coincidences' in my life to reinforce this belief. This doesn't mean I will blindly blunder on through life waiting for something to happen! Far from it - the choices we make will determine where we end up, I just think there is something more guiding the choices we make at times.

One thing I have learned about myself is that I am a hoarder - not just of things but of information. I spend countless hours researching, buying books, making plans etc but then there never seems to be the time or the motivation to actually use any of this information! I need to get better at this. I run the scenarios through my head, work out what I am going to and then.............nothing. Sometimes it is a lack of confidence in myself to carry through, other times I feel like I am too exhausted to even try. I spend most of my time cooped up in doors on the computer. I am indoors on the computer or the phone for my job, 5 days a week. I then come home to cook/clean etc and then I am back on the computer until I go to bed - checking emails, Facebook, Warcraft, paperwork for the business or SCA......this is not healthy. Is it any wonder given my health issues that I am susceptible to viruses and things? Is it any wonder with the number of antibiotics I have taken in my lifetime, my lack of physical exercise and being outdoors and my genetic make up that I am now paying the price? Have my chickens come home to roost?

Step 1 was recognising there is a problem - complete
Step 2 - make plans to rectify this issues
Step 3 - Carry out said plans
Step 4 - review and start the process again

So, where to from here? I need to make some changes - I am not super woman (sorry to disappoint you) and I cannot do everything on my own. There needs to be 'me time' and not just giving out my time and energy to every one else. If I don't look after me, who will?

The plan:
1. Do more cooking! We have fresh produce in the shape of eggs and vegies grown at home, use this resource! Much healthier - ask Gryffen to help. He likes to help cook. Make time on the weekend to do this - book it in!
2. Get outside more - yes during the week this is easier said than done. Get up 15 minutes earlier and go check the chickens! Talk to them, check them over, give them food and check water. This is the boys job but it is not happening properly - supervision is the key :-) And it will get me outside!
3. Don't eat lunch at my desk unless I have fit in at least 30 minutes away from the computer - go for a walk if it is a nice day! Take a book and go to the lunch room if the weather is foul!
4. Limit time on computer at home - no more than 2 hours at a time! (This will be the hard one!) Read a book, do some sewing, get creative!
5. On the weekend - get outside when the weather is good! Take the dogs for a walk, get on the ride on lawn mower, clean out the chook pens, do something!
6. Treat myself once a week - do something I *want* to do, not something I need/have to do.
7. Saturday night - if the kids are home, have a movie night or a games night together. Take it in turns for picking what we do.

That's a start in the right direction. There is so much more but if I try and do too much change at once, I will fail. Bite sized chunks and with some determination, I can make the changes. I needto make the changes, and only I can do it!

Our whole adult lives we seem to be working harder to make that extra dollar to buy the things we really don't need because we think they will make us happy and then we don't have the time or energy to use them. What a waste! I am just as guilty of this as the next person. I *need* to work so we can live where we do and I can drive the car I drive - but that does come at a cost. Is that cost worth it? At the moment yes, but there is a but. I am walking a fine line at the moment and I do need to stop, take a step back, look at what is happening and make some adjustments. I will be taking a quite substantial pay cut in August when my temporary appointment comes to an end - almost the equivalent of my car payment. Yes, I knew this was going to happen. Things have changed in the financial world - interest rates have gone up, I bought a new car, cost of living has increased. Something has to give and the money has to come from some where. It means re-evaluating what I do. Those cappuccino's every morning - they will need to stop. Buying things on credit - needs to stop. Get more patience and save for it - OMG what a thought ;-) LOL You get the picture though - we have become so consumed in instant gratification and keeping up with the Jones's that as a society we have forgotten what is important. We keep digging ourselves a deeper hole that is getting harder and harder to get out of and yet we ignore the white elephant in the room and blindly continue on our headlong charge into Oblivion. No, I am not a doomsayer nor am I a pessimist. All I am saying is I think we need to do some serious re-evaluation on where we are and where we are heading. I know I am - I want off this crazy merry go round and gain some control back over my life. I want to enjoy the good things like spending time with my family, enjoying the incredible place I live, create instead of consume all the time, enjoy the company of our amazing animals, just live! None of us know when it will be our time to go and I don't think we can take the risk of leaving everything to 'later' because 'later' may never come. Let the people you care about know how much they mean to you, not just in words, spend good quality time with them. Take care of you - be healthy, be happy, be true to yourself and to hell with the rest of the world :-)

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

It's a sick world we live in at times

This is just a very brief post while I am on a coffee break, I may post more later, I may not. I have a severe chest infection at the moment which is annoying the crap out of me but it is nothing in comparison with the news I just got.

People we know, let's just call them acquaintances, are in the middle of an awful situation. We always knew there was something untrustworthy about this particular person, but had no idea he was as bad as he is. He has just been arrested for sexually assaulting his step daughters. And to top it off, I also found out at the same time he had tried inappropriate behaviour with my cousin's daughter. I don't know what to feel at the moment - great sadness, extreme anger, disappointment, outrage and an overwhelming urge to cry. And no, it is no one in the SCA, it is mundanely. From what I know, the girls are okay thank the gods, I think it has affected us adults more and in ways I will not be discussing here.